what happens when the heart just stops?, Ten/Rose, PG
He doesn’t know how to be in this body without her. 442 words
So what happens when the heart just stops?
Stops caring for anyone
The hollow in your chest dries up
And you stop believing
So what happens when the heart gives up
But the body goes on living
The blood crawls to a slow and stops
And flows away
He doesn’t know how to be in this body without her.
No really, he’s not even kidding. Everything about this regeneration has been so defined by her and now she’s gone and he feels so...so...
There is such potential still untapped in this regeneration, so much more that he could be. But not now whilst the loss of her is slowly crushing him from the inside out, the yawning emptiness of a black hole settled hungrily in the pit of his belly and tugging both of his hearts into a place so dark he’s not sure he’ll ever escape from it.
She was the first person he saw with his new eyes, touched with his hands, held in his arms, kissed.
She’s the only person that he wants to see, touch, hold, kiss.
He doesn’t think he knows how to love without her.
No really, he’s not kidding about that one either. She was so much in love with life, with the life that they shared. And she cared for people, for places, for everything – just like him. If the two of them share a fatal flaw then that is it. Caring too much.
He loves her for that, loved her for that, loves her for that.
Chances are that he’ll never see her again. Chances are that he’ll move on like he has all the other times he’s lost someone. Chances are that he will love again. (Chances are that he won’t mean to but he will anyway.) Chances are that it’s only going to hurt him even more second time round. (And the third time. And the fourth. And all the times after that.)
There is something about this body, about the man that he is become – so intimately flawed by his emotions. It’s at times wonderful, terrifying and frustrating, liberating...
But right now, remembering the love that she gave so easily to him and which he never truly returned; the little piece of family she shared with him, a family that grew so very dear to him without him even realising; the goodbye he never managed to finish, a goodbye that she had deserved after all she’d done for him and he’d just gone and fucked it up.
That is nothing more and nothing less than heartbreaking.